he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
