literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
