I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
