I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
