Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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