Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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