And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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