Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
that is very illegal...i love you.
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