Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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