There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
