im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
