# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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