I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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