I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
