I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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