I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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