i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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