I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
