Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
