Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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