I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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