did you get engaged???
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
