The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
