Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
