oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
