the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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