Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize