Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
