At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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