Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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