Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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