I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
