How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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