Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
