I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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