I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Life is so much better after having sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
