I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize