My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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