it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my shit smells like andre
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
