so that wasnt chicken after all
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
