I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
