69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
