They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
