Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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