So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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