It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
