Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
