u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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