OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
