my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
