I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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