What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
