i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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