and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize