You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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