I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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