I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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