4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
