R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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