Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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