There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
