Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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