I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
