I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
