he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
