All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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