i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
