Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
